How to refill your cell phone's data plan in Thailand, and change your life. In 32 simple steps.

Like most visitors, I got a SIM card for my cell phone and a month's data at the airport for about 30 bucks. As of today, I've been in Thailand for a month, and my data was about to run out. The lovely woman at the airport assured me that I could just go into any 7-11, and re-up the card, no problem. This is probably true, if you know how things work here. If you're clueless like me, it goes like this.

Step 1: Buy "credits" from the store, 100 Baht (~$3 USD) at a time. If you were lucky like me, you took a picture of the data plan sheet at the airport because the lovely woman told you to, and you know how many you need. I needed 420 Baht of credits, but since the blocks only come in 100 Baht, increments, needed to buy 5.

Step 2: You dial the magical number the lovely lady gave you, on your phone. For me, this number differed from the ones on the cards. A screen comes up with Thai writing, and you have one button, Dismiss.

Step 3: You then get a couple text messages in Thai. You have no idea what they say, so you toss them in google translate. The first one tells you when your service stops, and that to add money, call *101#. In my case, it was 2 hours from now. The second message says it doesn't apply because you have service.

Step 4: Call *101#. Get a screen in Thai, saying something, with the numbers *103*305#. Hit Dismiss, the only button you get.

Step 5: Take a wild guess, and dial *103*305#. Get a gray screen with Thai text and Dismiss. Press Dismiss.

Step 6: Get more text messages. This one google translate will mangle into something involving Attacking throw, and you'll see "call *101*1#".

Step 7: Call *101*1#. Get gray screen with Dismiss button. Dismiss.

Step 8: Get a massive text message, detailing your data usage, the time you have left (two hours, and falling, here), and a note that using Facebook is always unlimited. Of course. No further instructions.

Step 9: Notice that the cards you bought say to call *100*, followed by a serial number, and an id number. Note that there is a serial number and an id number on the card itself. Put one and one together, and try it.

Step 10: Get the gray screen, with Dismiss. Dismiss.

Step 11: Receive a text with your new balance: 100-something Baht.

Step 12: Repeat steps 9 through 11 with the rest of the cards, in the hopes that magically that turns into service.

Step 13: Receive a text noting that your balance is now 500 and change Baht, enough to cover the 420 Baht plan you hope you're on.

Step 14: Have a gray Dismiss screen come up of its own accord, with a few numbers, and *222*188#. Like a good idiot, call it.

Step 15: Receive a gray Dismiss screen. Dismiss it.

Step 16: Look around.

Step 17: Search the corner. There is nothing in the corner.

Step 18: Call the lady's magical number again. Gray screen. Dismiss.

Step 19: Get a message saying that it does not apply because you have unlimited internet at present.

Step 20: Call *101*1#, which seemed to give some information before. Dismiss.

Step 21: Get the giant facebook text message.

Step 22: Decide that maybe you should just wait until midnight to see what happens.

Step 23: Open a beer.

Step 24: Kick yourself for buying Chang Classic just to save ten Baht. You know better. Always get a Singha or a LEO.

Step 25: Finish the beer.

Step 26: Still not midnight. Note again, as the track finishes, how incredible Sia's voice is.

Step 27: Finish off all those little things that were tiny but annoying you've really needed to get to.

Step 28: Do the dishes. Clean out the sink trap while you're there - you've got the time. Ahh. Clean feels good.

Step 29: Pour yourself a Sang Som on the rocks. It's Saturday, after all. And look how productive you just were.

Step 30: Finish the Sang Som and that Sia article linked above. Think for a while about how all the best art - maybe even the best of every discipline - on Earth comes from atypical people who find a way to survive, then thrive by arranging themselves with the world in a way that doesn't destroy them. About the importance of a safe space.

Step 31: Wonder what it is you need, what pressures and expectations push on you that you could unhook yourself from, what would let you be more, well, you. Make a list. A drink later, make a list of steps you could take on each of those items, with a timeline. Let yourself get engrossed.

Step 32: Suddenly notice it's midnight because a text pops up in Thai that you can't read, especially now after the Sang Som(s). Put it in google translate. Gather that your service is paid up, and you're good to go for the next 30 days.

Easy.

Bonus Step 33: Wake up the next morning, and check your lists. Trust drunk you. Get on it.