Waiheke, Aotearoa New Zealand

February 7, 2021

Anticipate.

In about 36 hours, I'll back my campervan down the steep driveway, pull onto the road, and head off for the start of a couple-months adventure living all over New Zealand.

The past week has been a blur - fixing plumbing, understanding solar electronics, figuring out what to pack and where it's going to go. Days have started early, ended late, and I have learned a lot.

But here. Now. A small space to breathe.

I'm excited. I'm scared. I have a million little what-ifs and the sorts of nightmare scenarios that my brain loves to cook up.

They trigger logistical questions, my cerebellum kicks in, starts thinking about routes and gas fill-ups and waste stations and how much coffee I need to bring.

But here. Now.

I feel happy. Happy like unsure. Happy like adventure. Happy like alive, more than anything.

I don't know what I'll find out there. Not just what I'll see and who I'll meet - but who I'll find staring back in the mirror. If the last week's any indication, a version of myself I really love. One who writes, and one who stays busy with actual things that need done, falls asleep tired from doing instead of zoned out from youtube. One who's going to figure out how to make that square peg fit into a round hole, so van friend can keep on chugging down the road.

It feels like a lot of the stability and routine of my everyday life are about to get unceremoniously swept off the table, crashing to the floor.

It feels like blank canvas.

It feels good.

Thanks so much for coming along on the adventure with me. I can't wait to share a bit of travel and exploration, and the end of Summer with you! :)

-Steven

p.s. The best thing I saw all week was the giant list of van improvements slowly check off. But the best thing I saw on the internet was this inspiring and grounding interview with author Jennifer Egan.

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