Auckland, New Zealand

October 14, 2018

Bedrock, rebuilding, and the power of why.

What a week. A couple days after I wrote you last week, I hit bedrock.

I sat on my couch, full-on ugly sobbed (complete with those heaving inhales that sound like a dying/mating walrus), and said out loud all the things I've been carrying with me.

That the way I've been trying to just get on with it and make things work in my partnership wasn't working. That I was missing something really important, and that we needed to figure out what it was.

And for maybe the first time in my life, ugly walrus crying actually sparked a realization.

As you've gotten to know me over the years I've been sending these letters, I'm sure it's become obvious how important this idea of living with meaning is to me.

Of finding your values, the things you really care about, and then aligning your life to go after them.

But what I'd never reckoned (and now seems totally obvious) was that partnerships need to have values too, and that those values are different than just the sum of its members.

And that for partnerships, just like for us individuals, no amount of how or what is going to compensate if we're missing our why.

So this week, with my partner, I've started making a kind of corollary to the Live with Meaning two-year life plan course I made a few years ago, and use with my coaching clients. But this time, we're using those same values-based tools to focus on the relationship as its own, living thing. Love with Meaning.

And what a difference it has made.

We've both been stunned and a little embarrassed (as pretty values-focused people) at the kinds of things we've never actually talked about. And grounded, grounded, grounded to finally have started to do it.

This make things path out of a hard spot is something I've done a few times in life, and some of my favorite projects have come out of these rapid, upward trajectories.

I'm looking forward to seeing what comes out of this one, and sharing it with you. :)

Have a wonderful week,

-Steven

p.s. The best thing I saw this week was pure, wonderful Banksy. That famous girl with a balloon painting? It just sold at a Sotheby's auction. And then promptly shredded itself.

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